“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
God created us for relationships, first with Him then with each other. Something in us understands intuitively that it is wrong to be alone, and yet something in us instinctively allows others to come only so far. Community is good. Relationships can stretch and deepen us, and so we feel our need for them. Community is also difficult. Relationships often leave us feeling insecure and frustrated, and so we resist them. As fundamentally human as relationships are, they are by no means easy.
I recently took to Twitter (follow me @J_Pwrs, or RCCC Redland Campus @RealLifeSA) to ask which spiritual formation, community and/or leadership topics or ideas YOU wanted to read about. What parts of community would you like to hear others weigh in on, and what stories do you have about when community worked, and when it didn’t? I asked…
What keeps you from talking more about your #faith? What would help you overcome that?
What do you wish church leaders talked more about? What do you wish they talked less about?
What situations or experiences have most tempted you to give up on #Christian #community or #smallgroups?
In what areas has the #Church over promised?
What is the most challenging part about leading people?
#Community has become a #buzzword. How would you describe it & avoid being “cliche”?
Does spiritual leadership differ from secular leadership? How?
In the days and weeks to come, I’ll mix in some of my thoughts with some of yours, and hopefully the conversation will take off as you share and invite others to share as well. No one has been spiritually formed exactly like you have. You are a unique, one-of-a-kind, intentionally designed life, so you are an expert in how life has happened to you. I look forward to hearing from you soon! Until then…
What question about spiritual formation and community must be asked and answered first?
I’ve been captivated lately by the potential impact of social media on the world, and on the Kingdom of God. In Acts 17, the Apostle Paul references the statue of an “unknown god” to begin a conversation about the God that he had come to know. His ability to engage with the culture in which he moved, pagan though it was, proved to be a hallmark of his effectiveness at spreading the Message he had been given.
The message hasn’t changed, “Jesus Christ, and Him crucified” is still the rally point of our faith. Our tools and methods, however, have changed a great deal. Paul addressed a crowd of Greek men, gathered for debate in the areopagus. Today we may be less likely to address an assembly of people gathered in the square, but we regularly address far more people than Paul did in Athens.
You are currently reading a blog post, written from my living room couch at 11:00 on a Sunday evening. Without regard to time or space, this message waited patiently to be digested by you, and whoever else may come along at some point in the future. When I am done writing, I will update my Twitter feed and Facebook status, telling many of my old friends from high school and new friends I’ve come to know along the way that this blog post is waiting… For whoever may care to stop by and check it out.
Whatever message I put out there, then, is amplified to the magnitude of my network. I don’t know how many people pay attention to my Facebook, and I don’t have a precise grasp on how many people read this blog, but I know that when I use the tools at my disposal, and when I use them with an eye toward eternal things, my network virtually gathers in the modern day aereopagus to ponder the thoughts and ideas of the day. For better or worse, the time, thought, and energy that I invest in my network will bear fruit.
I don’t kid myself that what I say is of the utmost importance to anyone, or that I say it in such an eloquent way that people are lining up and waiting for the next tweet or blog post. I haven’t earned that yet. I earn the trust and time of my network by investing in them, by caring about what they care about, and by participating in their world too. They aren’t just my network, I am their network too.
Are you taking advantage of the gift God has given you in your network? Whether you have 1000 friends who you hardly know, or 20 friends that you are intimate with, use the tools you have at your disposal to add eternal value to your network.
Here’s 6 things you can do to invest in, and and add eternal value to your network:
1) Engage in the conversation lurking is a temptation, but resist it. If something provokes a thought or makes you smile, say so, and be specific. Become a rabid commenter. Start now, with this blog post. In the comment section, describe your network, and how you typically engage it… Do you tell stories, hit the like button, rely on “lol”? Tell me what thoughts this post evoked. Be honest, even really honest, but be respectful. Networks are people too.
2) Say something have an idea or opinion, and don’t be afraid to admit what you don’t understand, but ask for clarity. Your stories are important to me… We’re connected, I want to hear them. Everyone likes to know that someone cared enough to think about what they said. By sharing and being thoughtful, you invite others to do the same.
3) Go Deeper when you talk about your trip to the grocery store, don’t just talk about the slow lady in front of you, speculate on who she was. If you felt compassion for her, share why. If you were annoyed, talk about how you wrestle with anger and you wish you had done it differently. You don’t always have to be profound, but look for ways to be substantive.
4) Share your faith when your faith is rock solid, or when it’s meager and failing, it’s real, and it’s what God is doing. People need to hear that God is interested in imperfect people, and people in process, too.
5) Build bridges if you post a bible verse, or lyrics from a song, don’t just cut and paste the text, talk about why it’s significant to you. If someone who doesn’t know your faith reads a scripture, and it’s unfamiliar to them, they might assume God is confusing, or speaks like a bard from the middle ages. If the passage says enough to you that you want to share it, then share WHY you want to share it, and specifically ask them to share what it means to them, too. You might be surprised what tou discover, and what doors are opened.
6) Be Patient You may pour your guts out and no one responds. That’s OK, you did it because it was the right thing to do. If you keep going back and adding value to people with your comments and encouragements, you will eventually reap the benefits of a vibrant, interactive network.
Your network is a powerful, God ordained, divinely orchestrated group of people who God loves very much. Have fun with your network, don’t force something that’s not there, and never, never, never be anything that you’re not. But don’t let an amazing, ongoing opportunity to share who you really are pass by. That is community, even if it’s online.
My Christianity causes me to assume that every single one of us has a sin problem, and there is only one solution. The scripture says it this way [emphasis mine]
… for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23
Two short verses, two immensely powerful and liberating truths.
First, all have sinned. Not just you, and not just the other guy, all of us. From the first time we meet, I’m 100% certain that neither you nor I are who we wish we were or who God wants us to be. Coming to terms with that truth allows us to stop posturing and pretending. We’re broken, we need help, and the solution is beyond us.
That’s disheartening, except the second truth is that we are justified by Jesus. Dictionary.com says that to justify means* “to declare innocent or guiltless; absolve” We are guilty, and our only hope for acquittal is Jesus. Fortunately for us, Romans 5 tells us that Jesus has chosen to do just that. We aren’t bound anymore, we are free. We can be better. We can grow. God wants us to be whole, and He has chosen to work through community to do it. That’s why our 5 Essentials of Group Life are so important to becoming who we are supposed to be.
The first essential was relationship, and second essential flows naturally from there : in a biblical community, there will be mutual encouragement to grow. You see me as I am, I see you as you are, and we choose to trust each other enough to help each other get better in areas where we are weak.
Growth may involve character issues – financial integrity, anger, dishonesty – and require someone to help identify the issue and stand close enough to bring support, correction, and protection. Growth may mean grow in a spiritual discipline such as prayer, bible reading, tithing, service, etc. Whatever the case, community says, “I see you as you are, I love you, and I believe God has more for you so let’s go get it together.”
Here’s what that may look like at River City in an activity group setting:
Before the River City Motorcycle group heads out, someone asks an open ended question from Sean’s Sermon to chew on while they ride. When the group stops for lunch, among the laughter and good company, question comes up and everyone shares their thoughts and experiences. One lady, Mary, shares a current struggle and the group promises to pray and follow up. Before the next meeting, however, someone calls Mary to check up and see how they can help. At the next ride, Mary reports that the situation hasn’t resolved, and may even have gotten worse, but that Mary is trusting God like she hasn’t before and is praying more than ever… Mary’s growing!
Growth simply means taking the next step – every one has one, and you can help anyone find and take theirs. If you’re more spiritually mature than I am, I can still ask you what God is saying, hold you accountable to respond, and pray for you the whole time. That takes trust, it takes vulnerability, it may be uncomfortable, but it will always bear fruit.
To help people grow, keep these 4 disciplines in mind and find creative ways to engage people in these areas. You’ll see people and community grow up all around you.
The Spiritual Discipline of Communion – At the very heart of it, just connect people with Father. Encourage them to pray in ways and for things that they haven’t before, and to look for answers in the scripture instead of other places.
The Relational discipline of community – Stay persistent when people want to run. Times will get tough, and the first thing to go may be community. Don’t let people fade quietly away, love them until they ask you why.
The Financial discipline of stewardship – Help people deal with the reality that everything I have is Gods, and I can trust Him. If someone is struggling with whether to give or not, encourage them to do it. If you sense someone afraid of not having enough, encourage them to trust God.
The Physical discipline of service – Service forces us to step outside of our normal routines, and worlds change when we do. Encourage people to serve and go with them when they do. Even if they don’t want to, and especially if they are uncomfortable with it, make serving others a priority.
We all need to grow, and we will all resist growth. Community protects us from our sin-inspired tendency toward isolation. Not all groups are biblical communities, but all biblical communities are places where people love each other enough to help them be more than they currently are. Are you part of a community like that? If not, DON’T WAIT!! Register right now by clicking on this link. Follow the steps and let the adventure begin!
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section… how has your small group helped you grow in community? How have you helped someone else grow?
River City’s recent Small Groups Explosion* was’t a simple rhetorical gimmick or a “New & Improved” repackaging campaign. This was a significant expansion of our approach to and practice of community. We’re still a Church of Small Groups, and small groups are still not just meetings**. We just believe so strongly in the transformative power of Christian Community, that intentionally giving as many people as possible easy access to this powerful, life changing force is nothing less than a stewardship issue.
So we blew the whole thing open. We’ve still got LOTS of Life Groups and more to come, we just added all kinds of new leaders and groups, including
a gardening/landscaping group
a construction group
a motorcycle riders group
a bicycle riders group
Christ-centered support and recovery groups
a sport-shooting group
a jewelry making group
a disc golf group
a cigar smokers group
a sky diving group
a triathlon group
a group that studies the faith of America’s founding fathers
But how do we maintain River City’s spiritual heat while we’re rapidly adding so many different types of groups? We’re called to make make disciples who love God, love others, and serve the world, so if we’re not seeing new disciples grow and increasingly die to self every day, then we’re being disobedient to God’s call.
So as we prayed and discussed, we discovered certain common things in the groups already experiencing healthy biblical community. We call these components The 5 Essentials of Group Life, and whether you’re part of a Life Group, Activity Group, or a Service/Ministry Group, each of these 5 essentials will mark your group life experience. We’ll unpack the first essential today, but before you go any further, stop right now and bookmark this blog or add it to your reader so you don’t miss any of the 5 essentials. We’ll wait. Go ahead…
ESSENTIAL #1 – Building Relationships
Close your eyes and imagine a group of people that you really don’t like (co-workers, Little League parents, HOA lawn nazi’s). The great lengths, amazing feats of agility and cunning you’ll go through to avoid contact with these folks is not a good recipe for community. So every healthy small group must practice the timeless spiritual discipline of having fun together! Groups that gather around an activity or hobby (scrapbooking, biking) have it easier while other groups need to be more intentional, but we do a severe disservice to the Kingdom of God and the Body of Christ when we live dull lives in front of a watching world. Your small group should have fun together – celebrate, eat, go to the movies, take vacations together, just enjoy being together!
Since you made it this far, why don’t you go ahead and leave a comment: How does your group have fun together? How can someone intentionally help build relationships within a group, even if they’re’re not the leader?
Friday and Saturday night, August 27 & 28 was our first annual Small Group Leader Retreat. Attendance was excellent. We were led in worship by both the Redland team and the New Braunfels team. The food was excellent. Most of all, though, there was a buzz about what God is doing at River City.
It’s no secret that River City has intentionally chosen to be a church OF Small Groups. Small Groups aren’t a ministry at River City, they are the way we do ministry. There is a high percentage of the River City population engaged in a Life Group. So any time you can get a majority of the Life Group leadership together, great things are bound to happen, and this was no exception.
On Friday night, Pastor Sean shared his heart about where He feels God leading River City. With great excitement, Sean specifically mentioned three things that we must focus on and be about as a congregation:
A Radical Faith In Jesus – This has always been a part of our culture, but Jesus continues to call us forward, and that means refusing to get comfortable where we are.
A Passionate Concern for the Lost – One of the downsides of the rich relational texture our small groups provide, is that it’s easy to spend Sunday morning hanging out with friends. The challenge was to see everything we do through the lens of how it impacts lost people who don’t know Jesus yet, to care about them passionately and actively, and to look out for their needs.
A Serious Commitment to Excellence – Whether it be facilities or First Impressions, we are responsible to steward what God has given us.
God is at work at River City, which means that we must be ready to follow where He leads. If you want to hear Sean’s message in its entirety, you can click on this link or watch the embedded video below.
A few things we know for sure… God cares about lost people and we should expect them to come, searching for Him. The most likely place for them to come first is Sunday morning. Our Sunday morning services should be places where guests feel welcomed, focused on, and cared. Once they come on Sunday morning, our hope is that they will quickly move into a Life Group.
This is where you come in. Sean asked the leaders to commit to coming to one service and and working another. There are always needs in Children’s Ministry, Youth Ministry, the Worship Team, and Guest Services. One extra hour a week can make a difference and create space for a lost person to experience Christ.
I would also ask that you get serious about looking for, equipping, and releasing apprentices through multiplication. We must make room for our guests.
My heart beats fast at the thought of being a part of a full on move of God. I believe He wants to move. Are we ready for it?
I’ve been reading a lot at churchmarketingsucks.com lately. My primary reason for going there is to get a regular lesson in not sucking. One of the surest ways to suck is to talk to people in a language they don’t understand, when you could easily do so in a language that they do.
Dunkin Donuts makes the point well…
If no one knows the ingredients of my afternoon pick-me up, the world goes on and no one is injured. If I cannot clearly communicate the meaning and significance of salvation, faith, or the resurrection, the implications are dire and eternal.
At River City, small groups are where Real Life happens. I fundamentally believe, and unashamedly proclaim that a person who is not a believer, when exposed to a vibrant Christian community, stands an excellent chance of falling in Love with and passionately following Jesus. Similarly, a believer not in community simply isn’t experiencing the fullness that God has for them. Christian community is where truth meets life, and true, eternal freedom is born the moment it does.
But what if someone from outside the church can’t understand when I talk about the elements of my faith? What if they just don’t get what I’m saying?
What does sanctification mean? How does holiness happen? What is redemption? Is salvation a condition or an event? When you say, “halleluja,” what are you talking about?
One of the most uncomfortable things about going to a foreign country is the inability to speak the language and communicate. The scripture tells us that we are foreigners on earth (literally, aliens), which we must constantly keep in mind when we consider the lives we lead. Let us also consider it when we speak, so that our language doesn’t needlessly become a barrier to those who desperately need and are honestly seeking out what we have, but don’t understand what we are saying.
Here’s three steps to a regular pre-small group language check:
Prepare ahead – As you prepare for your discussion, prayerfully ask God to reveal any “churchy” words or concepts and make sure the meaning is clear in your own mind.
Know what you don’t know – Know which words are jargon, and make sure you know exactly what it means. If you don’t, do some research here until you do. If you can’t explain the concept without using jargon… don’t use it at all!
Ask for clarification – During your discussion, listen carefully for jargon. If a word comes up (sanctification, blood of the lamb), pause and ask the group what that word means and why it’s important. Simply say, “How do you define sanctification?”
Jesus spoke of the Kingdom of God in terms of seeds and coins so that anyone who was willing to listen could understand. Let’s make sure that nothing that comes out of our mouth or into our group would keep someone from a clear understanding of God’s message and purpose.
What churchy sayings have you found a better way of communicating?
Those words can either indicate that it’s time to tune out Pa-paw, or it’s time to sit up and listen closely. Stories move us, they are important, they convey truth with flesh and blood and smiles and tears.
I look forward to any time I run into my small group. When my summer schedule gets busy and our meetings are more sporadic, it makes the times I get to run into them even more special. Invariably, when we run into each other, we quickly get to, “What’s happening with you?”
There aren’t many theologians in our group, not many certified bible teachers or gifted oraters. Just normal people who desperately want to do the right thing, honor God, and make a difference… and mess up.
When an ordinary person in my group shares their experience of meeting God in a special way (during Operation: Passion, for instance, or in dealing with a difficult person from their past) that experience stretches the minds of everyone else there, and the groups understanding of God grows…
I’ve had a similar situation, why did I not sense God there, or why did I sense Him differently?
What would it take for God get my attention in that way?
I know what it’s like to be down and out like that, why have I become callous toward the poor or homosexuals?When Jesus said, “do unto the least of these,” it makes me think of this time…
There’s not much you can say about my story. You may disagree with my theology, but when I say, “I was blind, but now I see,” the facts speak for themselves.
In your small group, spend lots of time cultivating stories. When you discover a truth in scripture as a group, ask, “Where have you seen that at work in your life?” Spend less time wrangling minute points of exegesis, and more time telling the stories of how that truth (or the ignoring of it) has born fruit in someone’s life.
Stories are drawn out like water from a well. It’s a skill that requires lots of questions (how? why? then what?) and a genuine interest in the story and the person telling it. If you’ll become a leader who cherishes stories, your groups will stay lively, and always be a place where others want to be.
How has your group become a safe place to tell real stories of real life?
Inconsistent summer schedules can be a momentum killer for small groups. Dying momentum causes leaders and groups to feel the burn, which causes many to adjust their meeting schedules during the summer. This may be exactly the right option for your group (talk with your coach), but it’s not the only option.
A small group isn’t a meeting… it’s the people who gather together, under the care of a leader, for spiritually redemptive purposes. Those purposes carry on even when we’re pulled in a million different directions.
Here are 10 easy to plan, light on the pocketbook, high impact ways to keep the spiritual and relational momentum going outside of your weekly home meeting. Try one of these, or leave your own idea in the comments section!
Group swimming party at a neighborhood pool – build community within the community and get to know the neighbors.
Feeding The Homeless on Friday Nights – Every 1st & 3rd Friday, a team from RCCC meets downtown across from the SAMM shelter.
Front Yard Bar-B-Que – Everyone brings their own meat and a side to share. Put some extra chairs out front, grill some dogs for the neighbors, and make it a block party.
Neighborhood Trash Walk – Everyone wears walking shoes and brings a large trash bag. Walk in teams, pray as you go, laugh often, and leave the place cleaner than you found it.
Group Camping Trips – Visit a state park in the area for an over-nighter with the families in your group.
Night In With The Movies – Everyone brings their favorite movie and a snack to share. Group chooses the movie on arrival.
Wii Olympics – Pit husbands vs. Wives, Men vs. Women, or Parents vs. Kids. Go to dinner afterward… losing team buys!
Progressive Dinner – Turn back the clock with the timeless church tradition of having each course of a meal at a different home.
Cookie Drop Off – Each person brings a plate of cookies to deliver to a neighbor near where the group meets.
Habitat For Humanity – Spend a Saturday building a home for a local family need.
If you hai planned to take the summer off, try one of these ideas a month instead. Skip the intensity of planning a meeting, and just get together, have fun, and be real.
What ideas have you done in your small group to keep the momentum going?
Billy Carroll, our New Braunfels Campus Pastor, shared a story about the cool things that happen when a community serves in the name of Christ. Here’s the story in his own words…
Two short weeks ago, river communities in New Braunfels were victims of a devastating flood. Many lost their homes, and the family across the street nearly lost a loved one. Only by wading through the rising water in their house with an inner tube did they rescue a disabled parent.
For the next two days several River City families showed up and began the salvage efforts. Their despair turned to laughter when we finished cleaning their old house, and then began moving donated furniture into their new house!! The outpouring of support was huge, and these people we barely knew before the flood were now on a first name basis with several River City folks.
Imagine our excitement, then when this unchurched family walked through our doors the following Sunday! The salvage crew were first in line to greet them, and I had the chance to sit down with a nephew a little later.
The nephew’s story was that several nights earlier, just after the flood, the family was driving around, heavy hearted about their loss. His family knew about God but didn’t give it much thought in their lives, but while they were driving, the nephew said God just put it on his heart to pray out loud with all of them. He knew God was doing something, and he wanted them to know it as well. He didn’t pause to ask permission. He just started praying.
Imagine how overwhelmed his family was when after he prayed, they received a large gift card from the red cross and a new, furnished place to live! He said the best part of all this was hearing his family say, “Remember when you prayed?! God is answering your prayers!” each time they received a blessing. His aunt told him recently that if it wasn’t for him they probably would have never come to church. I am thankful for what God has done through the people at this campus.
I love this story. What a powerful reminder of the difference that the Church can make in a community. This group of friends, gathered to help Billy deal with his own loss, recognized the need across the street and did what they could to meet it. The fruit of their willingness to serve walked through the doors on Sunday morning.
Small Group is not a meeting. Small Group is people, and when gathered together for a redemptive purpose, everyone wins. Thank God for what He’s doing at River City, and thank God for a small group of people on the ground in New Braunfels who were able to make a difference, just by being available.
*UPDATE: Billy received a call from the nephew in the story, and he is going to be baptized at our next baptism service!!
Exit Question: What can your small group do, or what has your small group done, to meet an immediate need in your neighborhood or community. Leave your ideas in the comments section.
Leadership is a tricky thing. Well intentioned leaders can be both mind-bendingly ineffective and soul-crushingly destructive while those who would scoff at the label can change the course of a life and an eternity .
Leadership guru John Maxwell defines leadership simply: influence. A spiritual leader is someone who influences another in spiritual matters or for spiritual purposes. It gets tricky because we fundamentally assume that a) the ground is levelat thefoot of the cross, and b) leaders are supposed to be servants. The misunderstanding that there’s a thin between service and leadership is most responsible for this sense of trickiness.
Leadership is, and service is defined as “help,” or “aid.” It’s a misunderstanding to associate service with menial tasks or doing random things that you hate or that nobody else wants to do. Service isn’t about me at all, but the one I’m serving. Our goal is to help people be disciples of Jesus, and worship gatherings, small group meetings, programs and ministries are always the means, and never the end. If my leadership (influence) leads to ineffective disciples, I am not the type of leader God would have me be, even if everyone else thinks I’m swell.
Jesus modeled servant leadership in His invitation for Peter, Andrew, James, and John to leave everything and follow Him. He didn’t serve them by catching their fish, and He didn’t let them try to do both. He cast a vision bigger than minnows and perch, and unashamedly asked them to do the unthinkable.
Spiritual Growth is often uncomfortable, but like Jesus, today’s spiritual leaders know that the discomfort of growth is better than slow, stagnant, spiritually irrelevant death.
So how do you practice servant leadership? Begin by asking these 5 questions in the context of a relationship where you have some influence:
What is God doing? Only what God’s doing in a person matters. Ask God for the ability to see what He’s doing in their life.
How has God made them? God gifts people to do what He’s called them to do. Helping identify a spiritual gift is key to engaging people for meaningful service.
Is this about me, or about them? Jesus didn’t invite the fisherman because He needed help, He invited them because they needed purpose. Can you clearly articulate why they are right for the job?
How can I invite them to get involved? People rarely get revved up about completing tasks, but they will give up everything to contribute to a cause. Don’t ask someone if you can meet at someone’s home, invite them to dinner and cast the vision of a host, creating an atmosphere where people can comfortably worship, be real, invite friends, and experience God every week.
How can I encourage what I see? When someone gets involved for the first time, make a big deal out of it. It is a big deal to God, and it is a big deal to the Kingdom. Celebrate publicly, celebrate loudly, and celebrate often.
The servant leader serves others by doing the hard work of helping people engage in the only truly eternal thing. In short, the servant leader serves by leading. That is all they can do. To do otherwise wouldn’t be leadership, it wouldn’t be Christian, and so it most definitely wouldn’t be service.
Do not ever apologize or shy away from inviting someone to invest their time and everything they have in eternal things. They will thank you someday.
Exit Question: Who is your personal example of servant leadership?
